16 new a$$ poems!

Sometimes Titles Are Overrated

I just like laughing. Laughing is my favorite.

Laughing feels rare.

Laughing feels like how life’s supposed to be.

Laughing is to be one with the raw experiencing of life.

To let go of all masks, temporarily, so as to let out a sound that is unique to you.

Sometimes the laughter of one is so potent, so contagious, it becomes enough to spread this medicine.

Perhaps the tears we sometimes shed with a good laugh are remnants of grief from the parts of us that had forgotten what it was like to know laughter so intimately.

I think some of us are dying a slow death of laughter deficiency

A deficiency of the core nutrients that are ease, safety, and joy

A deficiency in the sacred states of us that are light and playful.

Like the kids we were in Elementary school, trying with all our might not to let out that sacred sound while the teacher was talking.

When I was in 3rd grade my best friend asked to have her seat moved because laughing together was becoming too distracting.

I don’t even remember what we would laugh about.

The most I can recall is over a highlighter I’d got from the school store.

I don’t think it really mattered

We didn’t need a reason.

We just liked laughing together

It felt good and light

It felt like safety

It felt like love, a sacred love that wasn’t questioned.

I think that we fall off course in life when we start requiring reasons for what is our innate truth.

Rest, love, laughter, play, an afternoon at Barton Springs.

We begin to run away from who we truly are

Like we’re in a race, eager to see who will find eternal misery and the place where there are only grey skies first.

But some of us are lucky enough to remember

And oh what a beautiful thing it is when we remember.

It feels like that is precisely why we had to forget.

I hope you remember today

Or if not today, someday, maybe.

Remember what it’s like to really laugh, really love, really cry, really live.

For I have learned that this Truth is our birthright.

And no matter how dark and stormy life gets, it could never be lost.

Similarly, there is nothing we need undo.

It is just to remember.

To live is to remember.

Men With Fragile Egos, Find a New Punching Bag.

Rape culture is not your kickboxing class.

My trauma does not get to be your punching bag.

When I reject you

You do not get to blame me for my rape just to feel a little bigger

Just to use me to chip away at some of that excruciating shame that is not my fucking fault.

I am not responsible for other people’s shit.

I am not responsible for a dick in me after I fucking said no.

I am not responsible for your shame.

I am not responsible for your fragile fucking ego.

I didn’t get rape tattooed on my arm for it to be your punching bag in moments of desperation.

I did it to expose this bullshit.

To try, with all the might I have left, to help draw out of the shadows those who’ve wrongly been given a death sentence of shame.

Thank you for reminding me why I wear this word so proudly each and every day.

Thank you for reminding me why I’ll never stop talking about it.

I’ll never stop talking about it for those who’ll never start

For those who’ll never get to.

For those who don’t survive it.

Thank you for reminding me.

Of the dream

Of the justice and revolution, evolution, I am so hungry for.

Of the mission and vision that is worth what I put myself through on this path.

A world where every woman raped is believed.

A world where every woman raped is loved.

Is safe

Is held.

Thank you for reminding me why survivors live in the dark.

Thank you for reminding me that it is my mission to bring them, their stories, their voices to the light.

Because oh are we so fucking light!

And I know that our collective voice is so bright, a light so potent, this darkness will no longer have a place to go.

It will just dissipate one day.

Like it was never meant to be here forever.

Turned on at 3rd Eye Lounge...

I want a love that feels like that guy and his guitar from 3rd Eye Lounge.

His voice immediately jolts me back to the vibration of the Universe, of love

Pure magic in his eyes,

I want them to find mine and rest there forever.

I want him, I need him, to come over to me and take me somewhere quiet

Somewhere where all I hear is our hearts,

Beating rapidly, but in perfect unison.

Where all I feel is his body, softly, tenderly, but intentionally, pressed against mine

Where all I notice is the space before his lips find mine, until I can taste it

The taste of heaven, I am sure.

Like the most refreshing cup of raspberry sorbet on a yummy summer day.

With his lips on mine, I melt away into him and we become one.

I lose all track of time and only awaken thereafter to the sound of him strumming his guitar, free hand gently caressing my naked body.

He studies me like I was sculpted just for his adoration

His eyes beaming with lust and longing, yet alongside a gentleness and safety I cannot ignore.

I let myself exhale and move closer to him, feeling into what this closing of the space between us does to our bodies.

I am so fully, deeply alive.

The magic in his eyes meets the magic in mine and in this I see our magic.

I see picnics in the wildflowers, being with me and loving me in this way a ritual he is deeply devoted to.

I see him father our kids, a vessel of love and gentleness.

I see us making our kids, like that is what we were made to do

Like our bodies were crafted to find each other and fit so perfectly

To melt away so perfectly into each other, becoming the one body, the one soul, we were both always meant to know.

I see forever in his eyes

I see forever in the way his eyes find mine

In the way he feels inside me

And moves in and out of me

Like an act of God designed specifically for me

Orchestrated specifically for my pussy, freeing her of the agonizing longing she has held for so long

Freeing her of ever knowing such longing again

Because she finally learned how to slow down enough for the Universe to catch up with her dreams.

And the dream is here.

It’s here to stay.

This she remembers in the laughter on those long car rides to family vacations in the summertime

It’s remembered in the space where his lips meet hers

It’s remembered in his hands all over her body

And it’s remembered in the ritual of how all the perfect moments become the perfect lifetime they promised each other.

Hold Onto This— Always

To live is to create.

To create is to authentically, fully express.

To authentically, fully express is to live.

Living feels so good

People feel so good.

I feel so much love.

So much bliss

All this I do not want to miss.

To Be One Whole by **** + Gabby

I listen to you describe wanting to create a place of love and safety.

A place where, immediately upon entering, one would think to themselves, “This is what it’s like to not be sick”.

And we talk about sharing that collective dream, without in that moment realizing that it’s already here.

I remember how comforting it felt to be laying on your blanket after only having just met you.

I was safe, undoubtedly.

I didn’t really need to have the scary sexual assault conversation with you because there was no danger here and you already knew.

Being with you is what it’s like to not be sick.

You are what it’s like to not be sick.

Knowing you is what it’s like to not be sick.

Being with you is what breaks the nightmare streak.

Being with you allows for the pain of the past to be released.

Being with you is what it’s like to not be sick.

You are the love and safety the world needs.

It is already here.

It is just knowing you.

And I’m going to be honest, you are not who I hoped you be.

Yet here I am heart wide open.

The reality is I’ve turned away from so much love and life.

I’ve spent the past year closing my heart.

Closing my heart because people couldn’t be what I wanted or needed them to be.

Being with you does not make possible this separateness because you’re not who I hoped you’d be.

When our lips meet there just becomes no more you and me.

There is just one whole.

There is just what it means to be loved and safe.

This is what it’s like to not be sick.

It’s not even that you reminded me that I don’t have to be sick forever.

You’ve helped me remember that I am not in fact sick.

I’m hurt and I’m in need of love and safety.

And the dream is already here.

It’s you.

And it’s me too.

This is what it’s like to be whole and to be one.

This is what it’s like to remember it never left.

To the Little Girl Inside Us

Today a part of me that’s been dormant for so long,

So long I’d forgotten she’d even existed

Found her way back to me.

I guess I couldn’t see that that’s who I’ve been grieving for the past year.

And then there she was.

Not like she never left.

But like she had, yes, always planned to return.

I think maybe he communicates with her on a level neither of us can see.

The guy with the guitar and the quirky Tennessee tattoo under the monkey tree.

It’s safe, he says.

I’ve got you.

It’s safe to come alive again.

And so come alive again is exactly what she did.

He directed her up to the top of the tree she was dying to climb

She tried to do it without him

But she got stuck and scared. She started to doubt— the sturdiness of the tree, the depth of the water below, her own abilities.

Maybe this wasn’t a great idea.

But, watching from afar, you knew I could climb to the top of the tree.

I just needed some help.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t that it was a bad idea.

I just needed some help.

I climbed to the top of the tree, and I jumped.

And that part of me came alive again.

The little girl inside me came alive again.

She didn’t wanna miss this one.

This person, this moment, this life, anymore.

She wants to be there to climb taller trees and jump from higher heights.

She wants to be there when you tell me you love me.

And she wants to finally say it back.

She wants to be there.

She wants to be there like she never left, jumping right into your arms like that’s why she came back.

Through Me, We Remember

I am learning that all of this work I have done on myself

Has not in fact been for me at all

It has been to hold people in the darkness they face, a darkness once known very well to me.

It has been for all those hurting who will at some future date hurt me, only to be met with love and understanding.

It has been for those who will meet me in moments where an old wound has been triggered, but so bravely tended to, so we, even still, remain in an eternal space of love + grace together as one whole.

It has been for all those who so desperately need my light that could only be discovered moving through dense darkness.

I guess in a small way it has been for me too

See this healed me, this me that is so sure of who she is, gets to, moment by moment, be the change she wishes to see in the world.

Gets to be who she so desperately needed.

Gets to have left the pain of the past behind and come home day in and day out to bringing the world back to wholeness.

Back to our fundamental oneness.

That could never be lost,

Just temporarily forgotten

Today we remember.

Through me, we remember.

Through me, We Are One Whole.

That is my gift to the world.

May I let go of what no longer serves me

I miss you

Because I don’t know how to not be in love with you

Even though you’re not here

Even though your heart does not reside with mine.

Could I have one more kiss?

One more moment when time slips away?

When all I feel are your lips and the desire to stay right here for all of eternity.

This place where I am held by you

Where I am seen by you, known by you

Touched by you,

Loved by you.

And not because I need you, because I can’t be okay without you

But because I want to be there when you stop mid-sentence to go chase after a bird with a piece of trash in its mouth

I want to be there for another hug

I want to hear about your ideas to go live in a cave, your ‘conspiracy theories’, and why society’s got women shaving their bodies, to be soon after sent related articles.

I just want to be there.

The place where there is me and you and no space between us.

It feels like when you ask me why I want to kiss you.

I just need to.

I AM

You see there isn’t such thing as ‘trauma dumping’

There is only you, afraid.

Afraid to look at from a distance, that which somebody else already holds.

That which they already hold,

That which they have been holding,

And will continue to hold until their last dying breath.

This blasphemy that other people’s trauma is too much to hold is just a mask to your fear.

But not just your fear

Your fear and being seen in this fear.

So you select what is easiest, the button that is right there ready for you to press and walk away unscathed

What button, you may ask?

Well you see the one where you cast away the damaged goods and try to remind them what trauma has already told them

That they are worthless

That they are too ugly and scary to ever be loved.

When in actuality, they are love.

They are strength.

We are pure

We are whole

We are love

We are light too.

It is your fear that is ugly.

It is your fear that is scary.

But it is your fear I am no longer a slave to.

I am just humbly reminded of the journey I have been on

The war within myself

The war I have won.

For I know who I am now.

I am love.

And you see this knowing is so unyielding, so untouchable, that not even your fear, not even your wound left unattended, could ever take from me what is my innate truth.

I am love.

I am light.

I am sacred.

I am the Universe experiencing itself in all its glory.

Where the Land Meets the Sea

And there I could see

As clear as could be

It is not up to him to heal me

And, sweet girl, nor is it on you

My wholeness lies right here

This place where the land meets the sea

And I am totally, completely free.

So now may you let yourself just be

And leave it all up to the sea

This is where you are free

Where the land meets the sea

Our Fantasy

Why do I always fall back into this fantasy

Of what could have been with you

Fuck you for being fucking different

Fuck you for seeing me exactly as I am

Like maybe no one ever has before

Fuck you for allowing me to be all of me, always.

Fuck you for how well you could hold her-

All of me.

Fuck you for that time you looked at me and said:

“Do you ever think about if this could be it? Like you get to a certain age and you’re going duck duck and then, eventually you find your goose…”

Big fuck you for that one especially bro.

I wanted you so bad

Even though I knew it would only make me sad

But man did I still want you so fucking bad

Fuck you the mostest for making me miss you man

Huge fuck you for that one

Thank you, though

For letting me love you-

All of you.

And then he was acceptable.

As he was always

And always will be.

For it no longer matters who sees,

Nor who agrees.

She showed him the unconditional love he never got to claim.

And with that they finally were allowed to be

For his soul had been set free…

This time she could finally welcome the fantasy.

Today I Forgive Myself

Today I forgive my innocence

My beautiful, delicate innocence

The innocence I now mourn, as it was stripped of me before my eyes.

Today I forgive myself for not being able to stop the unstoppable.

For not being able to prevent the unpreventable

For not being able to fight, when there was no fight at all.
Today I forgive myself

Today I forgive you too

Not because I’m condoning what you did

But because I choose to accept what I cannot change.

Maybe someday I’ll mean these words

Or maybe I’ll be angry forever.

What will she know tomorrow?

I seek the creek to find some peace

And here it is

But so quickly does it cease

Enter a beautiful young girl, eagerly leading dad to the trailhead

She is so untouched

She only knows a world where she is untouched

Dad’s behind her

Keeping her safe, for that she is sure

Today is exciting. Today is full of possibilities!

In today she knows a limitless play, exploration, wonder.

What will she know tomorrow?

Will she too grow to meet a world that is no longer safe to explore?

Your Stupid Dog

In another time, another place

Might it have been different?

Might you have not rushed me out after sex?

Might you have followed up?

Might night have flowed into morning as it usually does?

But there is no other time, no other place.

There’s us doing shots at that empty bar

Holding hands in the street, after only having just met

There’s Zilker Park at 2am

There’s us making that video on your couch

There was the intimate container we briefly entered

And then

Emptiness

A blank page

As if nothing had ever been.

“Do you want me inside you?”, you ask.

This time I say, “No”.

Only love can get inside me.

Btw fuck you and your stupid dog.

Dare to meet me halfway?

My pain will become my power

My pain will lead me to move mountains.

And so I say,

Hold it near, sweet girl

Because it is meant to be here.

Leading you home

Leading you to all the places you’re meant to go

Tear by tear

And with all of the support of the universe right here

Full of fear

I am still here

Full of fear

Hope is so near.

Full of fear

I am still here

We are still here.

Now it’s on you to meet us there.