My Story Will Take Up Space
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there and ask you not to go any further. Can you talk about something else?” This I received from a (female) Professor of UT Austin in response to an interview question asking about a challenge in my life that I’ve navigated. Given that every day of the last 5 months of my life has been stained with the agony of rape, of course that’s at the forefront of my awareness. And in that moment, I felt proud. Because you know what? I wasn’t a survivor that day only. I’m a survivor for the rest of my days that I live with this and then beyond. And that’s a story of strength and resilience. I’ve also learned that using my voice now is where my power lies and is where the healing comes for that girl in the river.
If there are going to be certain realities amongst us in society, we sure as hell deserve to be talking about them. And survivors will lead the narrative- no exceptions. Choosing to step forth and allow your story to take up space is where the power and the healing is. Of course it’s uncomfortable, of course it’s something we as a society don’t want to accept, don’t want to look at, don’t want to talk about. But guess what? There are no bystanders here. When you ask a survivor to stop and be quiet and move to a different topic, YOU ARE PERPETUATING THE OPPRESSION.
My story is not a burden. My story does not deserve to be silenced because it means a lot of paperwork for you. Because it’s heavy for you. I dream of a world where sharing our stories does not mean liability, but rather pure beauty and a picture painted of strength and resilience and grace. Where my voice is received as of a fighter and of someone who has been knocked the fuck down only to say I Will Stand Up Again. And I will come out on the attack. Because a fire has been lit inside me. And it cannot be tamed and it cannot be put out.
My voice is meant to shake the room. My voice is meant to make you uncomfortable as hell and make you look at what you don’t want to look at. Because this is far bigger than me and my experience. My voice is for the women around the world who are being sexually exploited as I write this. Who feel helpless and like there’s no fight. My voice is the fight, my voice is the hand reaching out to them. This fight is of a source deep inside me and it will not waiver.
Today you will do your paperwork. Today you will listen. Today you will not look away.